Tuesday, October 17, 2006
Saturday, October 07, 2006
Thought of you...
To Bury Thought
Karen Hallenbeck-Sikorsky-George BS,RN
October 7th, 2006
This morning bizarre, body bending into painful sparks of fury, the
Flame lit a bonfire, and the perception of heat, brought tears this
Moment, to stand is unbearable to pretend a smile that is nowhere
Near the terror in my eyes, this song is unfinished, the scattered
Clothing, makeup, opened suitcase show a flight far from here
No longer from me, from the eternal pain, but to HE who saves
How did I end up here, almost two thousand miles from
The children I gave birth to, the man I was married to for
Too long, who lost the control to abuse me, beat me to
The death pulp of last demise, he is gone, so was I, bye
Happiness is one simple cherry, the sweetness soothes my mouth
Taking me out of this fearful death watch, beyond recognition my
Life has held on one thin thread, always overburdened, never simple
I taste this pure place inside, God fills me slowly but with finite
Gloss, I lick my lips one time, all illness to pass, my mind asleep
How is it the night is like a dim tavern light beckoning me back in
Small town grows, changes, no longer do we leave the
Door unlocked, three miles away the crack houses profit
Repeat, return customers, rich man and poor lined up for
One rush into insanity, one death defying drop down when
Reality rushes in, how many have walked around the duck pond where
The wind blows east, and the slacking sounds of the geese, and ducks
Compares equally with the stench of their oily feathers, pushed down
They remain in this man made pond, they covet rain unlike pets who
Grew up here and won't venture outdoors during a storm to urinate
I came here alone, felt that dry gentle wind touch my skin, to stay on...
The men came in and out of my life, not my bed, I'd go to theirs for
My home was safe, and my pilot friend and I would compare details and
He more than any knew my mind was not female, he accepted that my
Nights were restless, and that sex was the lost filler for the tiny hole
I carried (in my heart); vaulted box Virginia, he forgot to tell truth
Acid life burned to widen the hole, drowning in West Texas dust
Dirt beyond the coyotes preying on life flesh somewhere
Nearer Lamesa way lustful thoughts of what the powerful
Physical fuck in Lubbock would bring until 2 a.m.
I'd recognize you, quietly dress, desire lost, leave you
This cycle to repeat, burying the pain and loss of what I love to this day
Five children of my flesh, mothered in perfect love for 20 plus years that
Could not be replaced, the hope that justice would reign failed to grow
The pain so great never did I end the thought that my own mother raped
Me, the only love I knew (then) and the WORD brought me to my knees
Divorce final, I asked the God who loved me "bring me one to love"
HE did and today I thank HIM for the strength beyond me
To love me without condition to accept those runs from
Pain, the multiple flights from love, and one heart beating
That began as two, today I accept it was my wrong to right
Amber light flows like this small stream, the mountain air arrests my
Senses, to awaken on dew dropped pasture grass near a mountain where
The cold air removes this nausea, this sense of fatigue and a running deer
Pauses at my feet (unafraid) and the crystal lake sounds silent but safe
I swim that last mile bathed in recuperated grace, no tug boat, no
Factory within three hundred miles, no mankind standing on my heart...
You stood on the doorstep, knocked, and walked in, nowhere could I
Be found, that woman sitting near the fire (who is she) has sadness
Wrapping around her like another human form if she did not take a
Breath you would not know she is alive, a sound issues forth and a
Gun shot explodes down a road she cannot travel, your dog moves
Closer in recognition, she whispers "take me home" and you see
The years of pain dragging like a crippled leg
The people who entered with grenades happy to
Destroy, the losses like grave markers standing
To be counted and you pause then say "come with me"
One suitcase left, the key to the door locks in loud revulsion she
Wants to walk alone, trembling she takes one step, then two, and
In grave familiarity her body follows, blonde hair reminds you of
Her children when very young, let her do this alone, it is time for
The excuses to fade, slip and end (they do) and the sunlight touches
Her pale face, she hesitates, continues and the hardest part complete
For weeks her appetite remains hidden, and weakened
Day by day you wonder if this time she won't make it
Then on Thursday she asks for food (life) and when
Done sleeps in exhaustion, this ride will end
Tonight in deepest black night you sleep and feel a hand tentative
Touch your bicep and you remain motionless for the confession
Will begin, the words will force out of a mouth silent for years
By daylight she will rest and God will enter this place anew
"I love you" is all and the night turns to day and the weeks
Grow to months, and the lone dove lands on the roof, flies away
Will it be
Can it be
Me...
Karen Hallenbeck-Sikorsky-George BS,RN
October 7th, 2006
This morning bizarre, body bending into painful sparks of fury, the
Flame lit a bonfire, and the perception of heat, brought tears this
Moment, to stand is unbearable to pretend a smile that is nowhere
Near the terror in my eyes, this song is unfinished, the scattered
Clothing, makeup, opened suitcase show a flight far from here
No longer from me, from the eternal pain, but to HE who saves
How did I end up here, almost two thousand miles from
The children I gave birth to, the man I was married to for
Too long, who lost the control to abuse me, beat me to
The death pulp of last demise, he is gone, so was I, bye
Happiness is one simple cherry, the sweetness soothes my mouth
Taking me out of this fearful death watch, beyond recognition my
Life has held on one thin thread, always overburdened, never simple
I taste this pure place inside, God fills me slowly but with finite
Gloss, I lick my lips one time, all illness to pass, my mind asleep
How is it the night is like a dim tavern light beckoning me back in
Small town grows, changes, no longer do we leave the
Door unlocked, three miles away the crack houses profit
Repeat, return customers, rich man and poor lined up for
One rush into insanity, one death defying drop down when
Reality rushes in, how many have walked around the duck pond where
The wind blows east, and the slacking sounds of the geese, and ducks
Compares equally with the stench of their oily feathers, pushed down
They remain in this man made pond, they covet rain unlike pets who
Grew up here and won't venture outdoors during a storm to urinate
I came here alone, felt that dry gentle wind touch my skin, to stay on...
The men came in and out of my life, not my bed, I'd go to theirs for
My home was safe, and my pilot friend and I would compare details and
He more than any knew my mind was not female, he accepted that my
Nights were restless, and that sex was the lost filler for the tiny hole
I carried (in my heart); vaulted box Virginia, he forgot to tell truth
Acid life burned to widen the hole, drowning in West Texas dust
Dirt beyond the coyotes preying on life flesh somewhere
Nearer Lamesa way lustful thoughts of what the powerful
Physical fuck in Lubbock would bring until 2 a.m.
I'd recognize you, quietly dress, desire lost, leave you
This cycle to repeat, burying the pain and loss of what I love to this day
Five children of my flesh, mothered in perfect love for 20 plus years that
Could not be replaced, the hope that justice would reign failed to grow
The pain so great never did I end the thought that my own mother raped
Me, the only love I knew (then) and the WORD brought me to my knees
Divorce final, I asked the God who loved me "bring me one to love"
HE did and today I thank HIM for the strength beyond me
To love me without condition to accept those runs from
Pain, the multiple flights from love, and one heart beating
That began as two, today I accept it was my wrong to right
Amber light flows like this small stream, the mountain air arrests my
Senses, to awaken on dew dropped pasture grass near a mountain where
The cold air removes this nausea, this sense of fatigue and a running deer
Pauses at my feet (unafraid) and the crystal lake sounds silent but safe
I swim that last mile bathed in recuperated grace, no tug boat, no
Factory within three hundred miles, no mankind standing on my heart...
You stood on the doorstep, knocked, and walked in, nowhere could I
Be found, that woman sitting near the fire (who is she) has sadness
Wrapping around her like another human form if she did not take a
Breath you would not know she is alive, a sound issues forth and a
Gun shot explodes down a road she cannot travel, your dog moves
Closer in recognition, she whispers "take me home" and you see
The years of pain dragging like a crippled leg
The people who entered with grenades happy to
Destroy, the losses like grave markers standing
To be counted and you pause then say "come with me"
One suitcase left, the key to the door locks in loud revulsion she
Wants to walk alone, trembling she takes one step, then two, and
In grave familiarity her body follows, blonde hair reminds you of
Her children when very young, let her do this alone, it is time for
The excuses to fade, slip and end (they do) and the sunlight touches
Her pale face, she hesitates, continues and the hardest part complete
For weeks her appetite remains hidden, and weakened
Day by day you wonder if this time she won't make it
Then on Thursday she asks for food (life) and when
Done sleeps in exhaustion, this ride will end
Tonight in deepest black night you sleep and feel a hand tentative
Touch your bicep and you remain motionless for the confession
Will begin, the words will force out of a mouth silent for years
By daylight she will rest and God will enter this place anew
"I love you" is all and the night turns to day and the weeks
Grow to months, and the lone dove lands on the roof, flies away
Will it be
Can it be
Me...
Thursday, October 05, 2006
In God we are healed...
I End the Time
Karen Hallenbeck-Sikorsky-George BS,RN
October 5th, 2006
Petals brush my hand, and the lime line in the sky beyond blue turns
Pale pink, the horizon spreads like soft butter, painted in foreign
Brush strokes, scattered in such majesty, my eyes open this time
Seeing YOU, asking YOU to take me, my acceptance has taken a
Lifetime, do they recognize the massive change the tidal wave the
Ending of before and after thoughts of a woman (me) who is gone
This hand cannot lift without pain, and yet it waves
A broad hello, a sincere good bye for the entrance of
YOU has weakened, broken, and ended me, and the
Gratitude is filling me totally, the memories folded
Put away like clean and bleached sheets, tomorrow I might change
The bed and find they are gone, and no more will the enemy camps
Plant their stakes in my innocent graveyard, burying the human
Victims of time and place, edging me further from the belief that
Sustains me even now, that yes your son Jesus Christ died for my
Sins, and the worry of others is gone, for they face their own land
The meadow spreads wide before us our pasture is green, lucid, lush
A home emptied and raped of love and warmth
A child lost and found only to be lost again
A woman grown not knowing where to begin
How to be an adult in a world gone mad (bad)
YOU took me in, and guided me far away from that desert plain
Where a full gas can and a match awaited my sin and ending of life
Explosion to rock the desert and hurt the hearts of those who could
Not through blinded eyes SEE the TRUTH, or feel the loss only a
Mother knows of all that bore fruit from her womb, without a crime
A sin it was taken away, and yet today I pray "accept all of YOU in me"...
Guns are firing distant, and somewhere in New Mexico a simple man
Walks the dusty road, not wanting or anticipating more than the pleasant
Landscape, the dry warm fall air burrowing, standing, then sitting on his
Forearm as he walks, he works and eats simply, his dog stands at his
Side, perhaps his wife died, and his children left but he (like me) knows
The fruit on the tree remains unpicked, and we are given just a day
To plant, harvest, and reap the love of YOU in our hearts
One word spoken carries monumental love to so many
One raised hand in friendship empties years of hate and
Sadness is just a state of pity, a hamper of dirty clothes
Forget the hurt the pain the attacks, if you can relieve yourself as I
Must, walk a few steps to a narrow path, sweep the dust away and
Read the message written in stone before you, the sky has become
A softer blue, and the white pillow clouds multiply holding hands
In the circle of life, the lone dove flies to your heart and lets you
Know today that HE loves all of you, and we are lifted higher than
The wandering kite without a string, far beyond the ocean
To a destiny uncharted, and the islands of time await us
If we only let go, stop working against the truth, and on
Bended knee pray for HE to save us, don't fight again, its
Too late to start again, I end the time for the clock has stopped and
Only the rising sun tells me of a new day, the church bell tolls and
The sound enters me for the first time, a barn filled with hay is so
Fragrant, and that single horse grazing so beautiful, the rejection
Is gone, the guilt buried, swallowed whole, we live through one who
Promised us everlasting life, we are here again, beyond the gate..
The shame of wasted years is ending
God your love is all of me, and today I think
Will anyone recognize me, and yet does it matter
Not at all, you are holding me, BEING me, letting me
Live as you intended, the CREATOR has been the
Artist of lost time, the star is singly held, I am
Only YOUR reflection, God rest this pain...
Karen Hallenbeck-Sikorsky-George BS,RN
October 5th, 2006
Petals brush my hand, and the lime line in the sky beyond blue turns
Pale pink, the horizon spreads like soft butter, painted in foreign
Brush strokes, scattered in such majesty, my eyes open this time
Seeing YOU, asking YOU to take me, my acceptance has taken a
Lifetime, do they recognize the massive change the tidal wave the
Ending of before and after thoughts of a woman (me) who is gone
This hand cannot lift without pain, and yet it waves
A broad hello, a sincere good bye for the entrance of
YOU has weakened, broken, and ended me, and the
Gratitude is filling me totally, the memories folded
Put away like clean and bleached sheets, tomorrow I might change
The bed and find they are gone, and no more will the enemy camps
Plant their stakes in my innocent graveyard, burying the human
Victims of time and place, edging me further from the belief that
Sustains me even now, that yes your son Jesus Christ died for my
Sins, and the worry of others is gone, for they face their own land
The meadow spreads wide before us our pasture is green, lucid, lush
A home emptied and raped of love and warmth
A child lost and found only to be lost again
A woman grown not knowing where to begin
How to be an adult in a world gone mad (bad)
YOU took me in, and guided me far away from that desert plain
Where a full gas can and a match awaited my sin and ending of life
Explosion to rock the desert and hurt the hearts of those who could
Not through blinded eyes SEE the TRUTH, or feel the loss only a
Mother knows of all that bore fruit from her womb, without a crime
A sin it was taken away, and yet today I pray "accept all of YOU in me"...
Guns are firing distant, and somewhere in New Mexico a simple man
Walks the dusty road, not wanting or anticipating more than the pleasant
Landscape, the dry warm fall air burrowing, standing, then sitting on his
Forearm as he walks, he works and eats simply, his dog stands at his
Side, perhaps his wife died, and his children left but he (like me) knows
The fruit on the tree remains unpicked, and we are given just a day
To plant, harvest, and reap the love of YOU in our hearts
One word spoken carries monumental love to so many
One raised hand in friendship empties years of hate and
Sadness is just a state of pity, a hamper of dirty clothes
Forget the hurt the pain the attacks, if you can relieve yourself as I
Must, walk a few steps to a narrow path, sweep the dust away and
Read the message written in stone before you, the sky has become
A softer blue, and the white pillow clouds multiply holding hands
In the circle of life, the lone dove flies to your heart and lets you
Know today that HE loves all of you, and we are lifted higher than
The wandering kite without a string, far beyond the ocean
To a destiny uncharted, and the islands of time await us
If we only let go, stop working against the truth, and on
Bended knee pray for HE to save us, don't fight again, its
Too late to start again, I end the time for the clock has stopped and
Only the rising sun tells me of a new day, the church bell tolls and
The sound enters me for the first time, a barn filled with hay is so
Fragrant, and that single horse grazing so beautiful, the rejection
Is gone, the guilt buried, swallowed whole, we live through one who
Promised us everlasting life, we are here again, beyond the gate..
The shame of wasted years is ending
God your love is all of me, and today I think
Will anyone recognize me, and yet does it matter
Not at all, you are holding me, BEING me, letting me
Live as you intended, the CREATOR has been the
Artist of lost time, the star is singly held, I am
Only YOUR reflection, God rest this pain...
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