Saturday, May 10, 2008

Who Stole the Blog?
Pork Silhouette
Karen Hallenbeck-Sikorsky George BS,RN

Twirling female form, light of weight, endless, the vision is
Not for eyes unclear, that have clouded and lost articulate
Silhouettes, if we are unable to see this with clarity, the feelings
Are jumbled, a train wreck in the mind, my fingertips cannot
Trace with sensuous abandon the sexual primitive scent you
Emit, there is never labor sweat, daily work to be done

There is you. Before me. The trust
Beat me down to a pile of ashes, when
I began to burn violently, the heat seared
Now blackened, void, I lost you

Last week the wind tried to hit 100 mph, the sky disappeared
Dirt is so common here, red earth splattered and smeared like a
Fecal pattern it does not stink, but I am a foreigner in this living
Grave yard (Lubbock, Texas), and there is nothing left I recognize
Withered heart beats, simply fall and dry, in that burning sun before
I can find them (you) and lost forever in this boundless plain

I know the meaning. Desolate alone (am I). You
Left, and watermelon juice ran down your chin
Your lips could kiss my pain and nausea away
Left handed rose bush never blooms

Elderly watch tower, that guard is wearing a uniform from Walmart
You can buy lather, foaming rabies in a jar, or a spray bottle in pink
Children are no longer white, they are gourmet blends of varied races
This one is Hispanic, white, shades of grey, his mother may be working
Eloquent welfare recipient she clicks her blue binder shut, no one can
Keep up with the border crossings, and she is fucking them all

One by one. Christmas trees cut down. We
Bought blue spruce knowing the needles would prick
Our tired hands, mine bare without gloves I never cared
You wanted eternal youth but no adult were you

Trying to recapture your touch up and down my slender arm is wasted
Time, I have lost the desire for sensuality, relationships are hornets nests
Pain is the result of love, this human race is filled with ignorants beating
Their chests and crying to God for what He denies, so kind and good is
He that He prevents us from marriage, slams the binders shut, a man
Told me we cannot feed the masses, that they must stop proceating

Killing babies due to fornication. Open the bible read
Between the lines, you might fall asleep on a page
Keep reading until the meaning is clear, no longer
Will that burning lust devour you below the waist

He died alone in a bed with unchanged linen, he held their loving hearts
Imprisoned, their silhouettes in his crude, hateful, ribcage where he sought
At all costs throughout his ugly life a heart, oh he spoke of love, he
Judged me (your mother), and when his brain crashed and he (like his father)
Stroked, the train kept coming and smashed his idle bones to fractured
Pieces of rock, he died empty, and each of you know the truth

I had the virus. Upset stomach, dizzy worry. No
Peanut butter and strawberry jam sandwich could
Fix the disparity of no appetite, and the need to
Breathe, settle down, and deposit the money in

This bank of life, on earth we are transitory, spinning out of human control
If we sat beneath the oak tree, intrepid summer heat, an hour of sweat
Might rearrange the complications of control, to the honest state of
Powerlessness, we live (here and forevermore), do not worry I think when you
Bury me first, your tears will dry quickly, and I love you, I do
I know that you know, and we cannot go back, sit with me, for a minute...


***

Catch UP

Try to Stay
Karen Hallenbeck Sikorsky George BS,RN
Monday June 16, 2008


Flamboyant, trace of pink balloon, pale so still if you won't take
This breath and let me see your heart; one, two, three beats
It might stop, and that shattered word HOPE will topple, fall down
Elephant step to your pedestal high, don't sit there the pillow is
Gone (it's too hard) and LIFE is just frozen and we (you and me)
Know death comes from lack of faith, take one breath for me

Stay in place but move even if to dance
Be someone you are not (just for me) and
Trace this piece of torn tear drop from my eye
Let me go (try to stay) let me know I love you

No one asked you, told you to let go, be a pretend man when
BOY is all you can be, the flat desert lawn is hard, barren, hot
I lay still knowing a minute, an hour, a destiny timed in living death
Mirrors your heart, rejects that plea within, that silent voice that
Screams at me, change is me I cannot change you or anyone
I love the best I can remember, it is just me, being who I am

I don't drink anymore for there is clarity
In sunshine and an old man on a park bench
Could be me, tired and torn next time this year
Summer is too hot and that last winter too cold

Fair haired girl, dark haired boy, she good, you bad, but we
Were the chemistry of the masses, they wanted to watch and
I never knew love or a match for my depth of primitive passion
You tried to be the man, but there is a meshing of two forms
Hot, in dripping sweat, no blindfold on, no energy reserved
All of me, all of you, we became what we did not understand

I left before I met you, I do that
You were told I go back to Louisiana
You said "I won't chase you there" but
I could tell you thought I'd stay by your side

It's been so long I think "do I know him" and I see parts of you
Flutter, pass, find me in a tired moment "places" that I go, and
There is no shame in telling a man "you remind me of, but,"
I could tell them a grenade is poised in my ear ready to detonate
They would stay for the connection is the touch of a lily freshly
Picked, and that vision will last less than a day, as will I

This one I picked from an odd garden
Wasting time, walking through some weeds
He appeared and could be distant but he
Has a touch of intellect bordering on passion

My tidal wave ended it was sudden, and quietly I lay to sleep but
Could not close my eyes, and a few years passed, the hardest pain
Is loving you my beautiful daughters who carry this explosion in a
Gene pool passed to you (from me) don't remember, please forget
A man is not your identity, a touch is not forever, and life is nothing
We see when we are innocent, a child in a world upside down, demand

Justice and that those who are blind SEE
Your truth, ask for peace in your interaction and
Do not practice anger for it devours seconds of life
That may culminate in quick years of death

Forcing myself to have emotion (today) is impossible but physical pain
Lingers, builds, and hates me as I hate "it" I am ready to say
There is "nothing more to try" and would know this is right, and the only
Shred of HOPE is fear for I know this is not of God, and He will be
The only ONE who can bring me out of this garbage bag into the light
There is no wonder in wandering aimlessly through this ghetto mind

Two tears trickle and that other man knows I cry
He abuses my dignity and beats down like a large
Predator in times of weakness did I once think he could
Control my today and tomorrow I admit I did, do not

Make my mistake for in some gentle jungle we have yet to see or feel
There may be a species of flower, gentle blossoms of a color undefined
We may yet see enough to resurrect us from our own mind which is
Purely deficient, and I would give anything to hear the beat of your
Newborn heart into mine (just one more time) letting me know that in
Truth "I thought it was love once" and now I know there is nothing here

In my heart
Not gold, a cheap trinket
Useless Cracker Jack prize
Not for me, oh no
Not for you...