Try to Stay
Karen Hallenbeck Sikorsky George BS,RN
Monday June 16, 2008
Flamboyant, trace of pink balloon, pale so still if you won't take
This breath and let me see your heart; one, two, three beats
It might stop, and that shattered word HOPE will topple, fall down
Elephant step to your pedestal high, don't sit there the pillow is
Gone (it's too hard) and LIFE is just frozen and we (you and me)
Know death comes from lack of faith, take one breath for me
Stay in place but move even if to dance
Be someone you are not (just for me) and
Trace this piece of torn tear drop from my eye
Let me go (try to stay) let me know I love you
No one asked you, told you to let go, be a pretend man when
BOY is all you can be, the flat desert lawn is hard, barren, hot
I lay still knowing a minute, an hour, a destiny timed in living death
Mirrors your heart, rejects that plea within, that silent voice that
Screams at me, change is me I cannot change you or anyone
I love the best I can remember, it is just me, being who I am
I don't drink anymore for there is clarity
In sunshine and an old man on a park bench
Could be me, tired and torn next time this year
Summer is too hot and that last winter too cold
Fair haired girl, dark haired boy, she good, you bad, but we
Were the chemistry of the masses, they wanted to watch and
I never knew love or a match for my depth of primitive passion
You tried to be the man, but there is a meshing of two forms
Hot, in dripping sweat, no blindfold on, no energy reserved
All of me, all of you, we became what we did not understand
I left before I met you, I do that
You were told I go back to Louisiana
You said "I won't chase you there" but
I could tell you thought I'd stay by your side
It's been so long I think "do I know him" and I see parts of you
Flutter, pass, find me in a tired moment "places" that I go, and
There is no shame in telling a man "you remind me of, but,"
I could tell them a grenade is poised in my ear ready to detonate
They would stay for the connection is the touch of a lily freshly
Picked, and that vision will last less than a day, as will I
This one I picked from an odd garden
Wasting time, walking through some weeds
He appeared and could be distant but he
Has a touch of intellect bordering on passion
My tidal wave ended it was sudden, and quietly I lay to sleep but
Could not close my eyes, and a few years passed, the hardest pain
Is loving you my beautiful daughters who carry this explosion in a
Gene pool passed to you (from me) don't remember, please forget
A man is not your identity, a touch is not forever, and life is nothing
We see when we are innocent, a child in a world upside down, demand
Justice and that those who are blind SEE
Your truth, ask for peace in your interaction and
Do not practice anger for it devours seconds of life
That may culminate in quick years of death
Forcing myself to have emotion (today) is impossible but physical pain
Lingers, builds, and hates me as I hate "it" I am ready to say
There is "nothing more to try" and would know this is right, and the only
Shred of HOPE is fear for I know this is not of God, and He will be
The only ONE who can bring me out of this garbage bag into the light
There is no wonder in wandering aimlessly through this ghetto mind
Two tears trickle and that other man knows I cry
He abuses my dignity and beats down like a large
Predator in times of weakness did I once think he could
Control my today and tomorrow I admit I did, do not
Make my mistake for in some gentle jungle we have yet to see or feel
There may be a species of flower, gentle blossoms of a color undefined
We may yet see enough to resurrect us from our own mind which is
Purely deficient, and I would give anything to hear the beat of your
Newborn heart into mine (just one more time) letting me know that in
Truth "I thought it was love once" and now I know there is nothing here
In my heart
Not gold, a cheap trinket
Useless Cracker Jack prize
Not for me, oh no
Not for you...
