A lost thought...

End Is
Karen Hallenbeck-Sikorsky-George BSRN
August 30, 2007


That pale light, a border around trees that are blurry, green spread in
Water spotted fat leaves, they are dying, and the branches bend
Fat with past storms, that come in late afternoon only to break the
Huge elephant humidity, this climate is death valley, but the tremor
The heat lightning is not evident, this might be a concentration camp
Undiscovered, and I can't dance, smile or sing to you, it hurts

To know this is not home, but the girls are still
Fresh in my mind, my children around the
Christmas tree jubilant, I wrapped those presents for
Five of you, till two in the morning, and ho ho hoed at four

They run downstairs to see that Santa is gone, and then I pretend
To drag down to make that first pot of coffee, and inside my heart a giggle
Erupts how I love them (and they me), and their father lays in bed
Thinking why does she do this, and he never knew that the youngest
Ones believe, and that God is here on Christmas day, we are happy
Just for now, we are full of a presence of life, Jesus Christ is born

Intrepid summer heat, here in Virginia, there in Louisiana
The people are like piss ants futilely biting their neighbor
Pretending to have more than you, and not knowing how to
Hold hands with the one you love, smile, passion is the spark

Beginnings need not end, but the world is rapidly going down, and
I want to hold on to God, and let Him show me the way to smile
(One more time), to dance in the moonlight and recall when we
First kissed and I said "Look at this sky it goes on forever" and
When I turned around you took me in your arms, your lips
Touched mine and they never separated again, I can love you

The tornado stops for the pieces of this ongoing puzzle
Are easy to put together, and yet nothing is finite and
We know less as we learn more, let it go let God in oh
Yes, I will curtsy I am a southern girl I will smile just for you

Can we try to buy this dime bag of happiness, and shoot it in our veins
It is not an illegal drug, like a gentle first seed sprouting up through
Dark fertile soil it is what we aspire, what we need, we are united
As one why not trust you, why not say a stranger is a loving part of
Creation, and if you want to strangle me, rape me, steal what little I
Have then I am still here, not burdened by cruel thoughts, blind eyes

Cleaning up all that wrapping paper, the bows are easy, and
Smell that big fat turkey bird dripping in sweet butter in the oven
The afternoon is ahead and my tired eyes continue to watch
To think "I need to shower put on my face get ready" and

Years later when you took my girls, and Christmas killed me like
Poison searing flesh from my heart of hearts, I would give anything
Arms, legs, my last breath just for that one day to come again so
I might take each of you in my slender arms, hold you to my breast
Smell your sweet child scent, croon in your little girl ears, brush my
Lips across your smooth foreheads, one by one "I love you oh yes."

The men in my life have tried to crawl deep, deeper and way deep
Into the dark reaches of this huge heart, which like West Texas sky
Has no beginning and no end, they might reach that beating vessel
And fall deep within to drown, lifeless, removed and gone, go now

Away from a place where a white picket fence is brightly painted, and
Smiling, giggling, blonde haired blue eyes angels line up, dressed so
Pretty in shades of lavender, pink, and white; rosy cheeks bright and
Clear, and small fat hands holding each other, that church bell within
Rings true for each of you are going to make it, I am here in this
Dirty place, loving with abandon, growing like a weed, we won, yes...

He can pray, God forgives us all, he can seek me and not
Find me, I can walk before him in total safety for the cloud
Which is my home today is God's loving hand on my shoulder
Guiding me through torrential rain to the sunset, oh pinkest day

Await the celebration, "I am the way, the truth the life" and no word
Is needed my sweetest children, my grown up girls, my life my heart
Is full, please drive carefully, the price of gas may rise, and one day
Alone you might stand, looking out at the desert plain seeing all you
Love before you, like a pasture filled with daisies, and the smell of
Jersey lilac in August, don't ever let go please, hold on, yes smile

For me just one time
I love you, enjoy the God who
Loves you, I am calm like a
Newborn day, pale yellow lemon drop
I love you...love you...you