Why Would My Little Girl?
by Karen Hallenbeck-Sikorsky-George BSRN
September 14, 2007
Why would my little girl hurt me; that tidal wave came suddenly
Distant shore so far away, the sky held no clue of death, just pale blue
Fat white clouds drift while I lay in wait, for peace, everlasting rest
Then bigger than a far off mountain, larger than the widest plain
She came in fury, wrath, hatred, the cruelty of the masses tame
I cannot compare this hurt, my grief, her pain, why me little girl, me?
She so small, a bundle of life, nestled to the breast
Eager to be her mother's child, red faced, hands clenched
As baby's do, she held on (and I did she), not one tired
Moment raising one, two, three, four and five of you did I
Hurt, not me; the torrential rain of a death trap (marriage) did not even
Pinch, much less scar, or close in like a predator (deep this heart),
The love, boundless, my inner child's need reflected each of you
No pain within, perhaps my expression cursed "him" (your father)
But never for a second did I regret that life, those twenty years until
Today when I return grown up, no child, to hurt, why little girl, why me?
I count the minutes, ten years almost, like acid drops searing
Deep past the skin, past the veins, past the bone, my body
Raped in wait, no man of thousands once would turn my head
Much less cause pain (RSD tame) like this fearful lie, not you
Little girl, not you laughing, smiling, giggling, eating, playing, growing
Strong your mother's gift I gave, no night terror, financial worry, threats
To land, sea and air could diminish one heart (mine) that would carry
You beyond the battle, to distant shores, no foreign dignitary or prince
Of charm, no world war ten much less three, could pry God's prayer
To parents blessed, to hurt to take, one man depressed, not you, not me...
You cried silent tears that last day, some cartoon judge
A courthouse bare, took five young hearts a father's fate
For God true king will wait until your tearless cry as I
Passed out, "Mommy no don't leave," I am here, not me
Each morning if sleep took me, awaken to the nightmare dream of
Rich fresh earth on little P's hair, her arms around me blue eyes stare
Deep so deep where no one goes, deep so deep our love knows
Destiny not a sickened man, eternity not selfish hate, forever am I
The one mother, the only one; true and present, right here now I am
You are beyond my touch, my voice silent "no do not kill" I, not me...
Christmas morning, birthday night, one born, one grown, one
Strong white and brilliant miracle, the fight silent storm ends
Moves me, shakes the fear out, like salt upon the wound no
Solace, only movement the missive speaks, oh love oh heart
Do not die, swim under this tidal wave, discontent, deeper I dive beneath
Air, oxygen escapes, and in this last blinding end my body pops up above
The salty brine, a cork from a champagne bottle long left to age, in wisdom
No threat, the destruction is to all but one, dragging myself slowly onto this
Sandy shore I pray "God deliver me from sin, let my child live amen" and
Multitudes of angels cannot soothe this mother's pain, push them away, go
She cries, my heart breaks, she lies, my heart breaks
I see into her deepest blue eyes a fear beyond any rain
No tears can remove this day, no words of apology can
Lessen the deepest scar (hate?) not me, little girl, not I...
Telephone ring, typed words black and white, pictures without emotion
Daisy flowers strewn on dirt floor without life, they die their petals bend
Wilt (like I), starve, no rain drops to nourish, why do we find this jail
This crime imposed, this forever fate, when bare footed on a summer day
Birds sing, hearts fill (with love) far away, how did I get here to remember
Why would my little girl hurt me, why little girl, why me, you have one
Mother, can you see beyond
The lie, the honest truth ,why me
Why you, this is it, I am through
I am human not God, but He alone
Loves without condition, why wait
Little girl, why me (you)
I love you, taught you love
Why little girl, why hate?
The bell sounds, God save me
He takes my hand, it's too late...
