To my littlest girl "you are the world.."

Remember Me...
for my beautiful girl, Patricia Mae-Hallenbeck-Sikorsky
Karen Hallenbeck-Sikorsky-George BSRN
October 17, 2007


The autumn rain did blush, petrified brown leaves mixing like a poorly
Battered cake in the gutter, pink rivers flow, and tears on top like
Sprinkles, they are timeless, we are endless, but still sweet even
With this salt upon my tongue (I cry silently), for you sit still next
To me, your warm hand curled onto mine, I squeeze it gently never
To think (today, tonight, forevermore) you're gone, will you remember me?

I hate that sunken floor that creaks, the pot belly stove
We never light, that sliding door that slams it's cold
"Mommy please" and I reply "Yes Patty here" and
On my lap you sit so small, so warm, thank God

Remember me, twenty my father died, empty in heart I left her behind
No mother she not one day in all those years, she yelled, she screamed
The fear of my child's hand or touch upon her face; her hair forbid me
Playing "grown up or made up face" and nights of terror my sex she
Defiled, but God the Father saves the child, I think my oversized heart
Will break, did my greatest love for you leave unmade, remember me...

Your sisters older went off to school, but you love me
And I love you, the child in me could sit and play and
You sat still did homework, not you the fake so even at
Age four you knew how to love, "how to too," remember

You will not know the death inside, the system fed an eternal LIE, five
Girls taught love, to smile in heart, to be the best, accept, to start
Life this way I did not know born into my mother's abuse change is slow
But earthquakes defy a daily routine, and tidal waves drown all, to send
One lonely heart to death today, Wednesday follows Tuesday did I know?
You'd wait (you'd wait) I'd cry (you'd wait) I'd die (you'd wait) please, oh

Please do not forget, I ask one request from you
This day, don't make ten years "our routine" for
Precious life too short may end, I clear my throat
Wipe my tears away I ask you "Pea remember me..."

There you sat with Jepp that day I saw you, (filled me), froze me, (killed me)
Shake my heart, shake my soul, shake my legs and yet no part of me ever
Could be bold, humble mother gone for ten; that prison sentence no crime
No end, the bars inside me tumbled down, God help me she's beautiful
The wall shattered into millions of rock hard confetti pieces, spread the sound
Silence (don't cry Karen) you are in my arms (don't let go Karen) I remember me

Before that Tuesday dying day by day, death my wish
But a mother stays, for if she loves as I love you she could
Not die until the truth was given you in an unmarked box, no
Ribbons, or bows but extravagant in cost, for each year I remained

To live alone, to mark the minutes not even your special voice on the telephone
I bled, (hemorrhaged) I cried (drowned) I hurt (cancer of the soul) I loved
Completely with the memory of you, this mother owns, from deep inside a seed
To know, through nine months carrying you (I did know), to the day you stepped
Down and cried "I am here" put on my breast the snowstorm cleared, and we
Your first night sat before the fireplace, you held my hand, oh my God remember me

Pity is sorry, humble is proud, memories are not today
We can carve new, and save laughter, a smile, funny sounds
Replace the pain with soft love that only a mother and daughter
Know, be strong in adversity, one solid seed together we sow

No anxiety can enter this doorway to the sky, come with me and view this
Huge landscape, blue infinity and white clouds (like a blushing bride) and
The blessing (our miracle) as we stand side by side, hang up the phone
Turn off the computer it is just us talking with freedom to love and be
As we were before that long misplaced ride, today we walk legs strong
Feet on the ground, this journey worth every minute of you I am proud

Remember me (I you), remember we are this lifetime
You are you, and a mother knows to count each child
(One, two, three, four, five) and turn to the Father and
His lesson, head bowed and I say aloud "Thank God..."

You need to study, go to work, hide your face; you need to remember that
It is a choice that you alone make, for ten years you could not open a door
Left wide open you cried and were ignored, until you grew as I did inside
Until you hurt yourself, when your requests and pleas were denied, until
That anger nearly took your life, and "Momma knew something" but our
Family is a LIE; so I ask you "please come to destroy anxiety" for you

Must trust your mother, she can't lie
Never hurt you, not me
I promise you our love, our peace will
Grow, remember this seed
Only Pea and Momma know
C'mere little girl, c'mere to me
I love you with all my heart so
Please (dear God) let her, oh please
Remember me...