Pattycakes...

The Moon Is Cheese
Karen Hallenbeck-Sikorsky-George BSRN
October 1st, 2007


Face busted up, blood oozing from two hour cuts, the colors of war
Spread upon his skin like a leper, the paramedic turned away and said
"He has no insurance," you were shocked, surprised that now in this
Moment of his need he was bagged, wrapped and tied, and secondarily
Spit into that overfull dumpster where your dead neighbor Slagel found his
Last breath, the stench is monumental, and don't cry little girl (I am here)..

No saga of wars in history, bombs collapsing homes of
Innocent children, lives stolen, robbed, pillaged by men dressed
In clown suits (soldiers) so young they barely shave the stubble
Off their fresh faced skin, hand them a gun, let them run back

Where all comfort is created this is the place (a mother's arms) where
Grace, kindness, and the smell of homemade bread is all you need and
There comes a time when the exhaustion, sheer fatigue, burning muscles
Parched lips, dried eyes (too many tears), and fake expressions posed on
Christmas, Easter, his birthday (not yours) become cloying, nauseating, and
You puke out the scorn, you relieve yourself and ANA does not mean it is you

Fuck ANA and fuck death this life is to be lived
That little girl is crying, and her mother hears her don't you
See this world is all but fair, but equality is expressed by
God when He lets us know "never will we be pushed beyond"

What we can endure, not what we think, what HE knows and here we are
Playing hopscotch, sipping bitter old coffee, and I am thirsty for your words,
I scan your face carefully, not invading your privacy for I am hungry for you
My child, my flesh, my womb (I am angry too) because you did nothing
That part of OUR life ends as we touch, and your familiar scent assails me
You are grown but we can play in the park, you can stay P. (you come home)

With me, the world is open to you, the people that love me
Love you, they have watched me die a thousand deaths
Suffer medical miracles and never collapse or give in like that
Fake con artist when I bleed no one sees, I have dignity and

No fight is worthy of my heart, no disease can devour my love for you, and
If God is my strength, my hope, my experience then HE has brought me to
You, and you may rest, sleep, eat, go to school, stay at Mark's, drive in
Circles and still find me here; you can love with all you have to give and
I will tell you each day how proud I am of you, and guide you upwards
Never down, because your life is your own, you are never alone (I am here)...

The pasture is spring, the field frogs screech, and that one pine
Tree smells sweet, the sky is fading into evening and the smells
Of dinnertime, a day of rest, an evening blessed without bombs,
Interrogation ends at my door, it is yours too, look around (all for you)

Take my hand, we will sit comforted in one another, your words may ask
All questions, I will answer with honest and truth, sit right here, do not
Worry if you yawn, if one time is not enough, (I am here), you can open
The door (it is left unlocked for you and your sisters), you can walk right
In (I am home), and if you bring a suitcase we will unpack it together
If you forgot what you need, never fear, it is here, never fear (I am here)...

Stare hard for there are events we cannot change, do not ask
To understand, be present always in this moment for it is your
Beginning, God's grace grants us this first day of life, like a baby
Sparrow bursting from the egg, feed hungrily and eat well my love

You are running fast (marathon), and the track becomes tiring, you think
I will not follow (I am here), you think I will not comfort you (dear heart I am)
He has tripped on acid in a mind bordering on psychotic and lost the war
The battle ends when we hold one another and those bluest eyes cry
Tears of joy, words of anger erupt, tears of faith, words become softer now
Time is just a ticking clock we have it all, and now we are proud, we ARE

Protected, the sun warms our skin, loved (by all of mankind) we
Are one of billions of hurt souls recuperated, strong, and enigmatic
Brilliant stars glowing, and the love is our solace, and our forever
Don't let go (hold my hand), one day soon, come to me, is peace

She was beaten, degraded, that woman who left she was alive and God
Strengthened, created, soothed, and placated the past until it left and she
Is me, today it is all love, intellect, spiritual oneness with our Creator and
You are the gentle flower poised ready to bloom, no stick of dynamite for
Your fervent, fresh soil, you will grow (I am here) and become all you were
Meant to be, this mother's promise is fact, come to me, you will see, I am

Here, so are you
I love you (all of you),
You are everything to me
I am here, I am here
Open the door, welcome
Home, I am ....

P. it is time...

John Picked Your Indian
Karen Hallenbeck-Sikorsky-George BSRN
September 30, 2007


This day is edgy and no cool, dry wind will give familiar memory to my
Presence like that immovable rock on a distant Greek shore, where the
Sailors speak a foreign tongue, burnish sweat off brown skin, they are not
Tan they are naturally brown, and their physical strength a result of a culture
Unlike ours for America is freedom in bondage, those rusty chains are
Choking you up, the weight is heavy on your chest, and if you do not

Get out of your mind where alone you thrash in anxiety
You can't hear the delicate violin sounds touching your
Fragile heart, oh it beats so hard with love, and when anger
Becomes your punching bag, you go down (not I), and that

Biologic alarm clock is ringing, and you tuck your hands in prayer beneath
That pillow that allows sleep when he is not yelling, demanding some odd
Task at hand that only he evolved, did you ever wonder why other parents
Don't act like he does, is he the only one in his misery (it seems so) and
Today can be the first day of the rest of your life, or you can squat beneath
That fetid pond, smelling moss and sweating off some fear you cannot see

You are the most beautiful vision, and my eyes remember all of you
From before you were born until today, a picture is so still, almost
Frozen, and God turned off the freezer, said "defrost" and that
Simply means we need to let go, melt the ice, flow like a river

His fists cannot pound on the will of God the Father, his empty eyes cannot
Burn imaginary holes in your heart (not again), and you can walk out the door
Never turn back, never speak to him again, but I would not ask that of you
My love is true, created in a mother's heart, wrapped in pink and lavender bows
As strong as the shoulders of that Greek sailor who has worked dusk to dawn
Who serenades his wife with song, a kiss, and gentle touch, oh he loves too

If you listen to me, and do just one action
The pyramid of conformity will tumble down
Right now, all at once, and there is no crime
No Judge or jury, just you and I within God

This morning a chalky pink and blue lined East coast sky plucked my attention
I stared straight ahead, the old buildings assaulted my senses, and the rare
Broken form of a bag woman appeared, next to the brown bag drunken man
Erased they I from my eyes, but cannot move that mountain you choose to
Climb in fewer days than a week, each day creates no obstacle let that go
Five minutes a cup of strong coffee (half and half for me), and love in us will

Eradicate the pain, scud missal the heartache and restore the
Mother you love one hundred percent in that heart that never
Asked to lose the one she loved, needed, depended upon the
Sound of her laughter left behind, you hid it deeper, he'll not know

I do, and am waiting for you to join me; the world out there is joining hands
The multitude, the masses are clustering in silent happiness for the rebirth
Their applause is resounding, the heavens are pouring out strength and all
You must do is one small action that will free you of the fear that has no place
In your being, your heart, your complicated soul, for I am of you and know
You are the pale pink rose blossom and will not wilt, die, or lose hope

Today is the first day of the rest of your life
Today is frustrating for me as I wait for word
For your voice, for your presence for you alone
Were not alone, I lost the world and lived anyhow

For this moment in time, for this life to be lived, for this most beautiful
Measure of God's will and love (for us) to begin, not just a visit, for a
Lifetime, and the time is now, and the only chores you have are the
Ones deep in your heart begging you to go quickly, take her hand
Hear her laughter and know "all is okay" and yes she never stopped
Loving you (I love you), missing you (do not wait), and seeing you

The one beautiful person you are
Now free of the pain, now light hearted
Ready to live, and John may have picked
Your Indian, but that teepee fell down.

Come home, I love you...

It is time sweetest child...

Moist Rain
Karen Hallenbeck-Sikorsky-George BSRN
September 28, 2007


Tear drop on my finger tip, wipe mascara under my blue eyes, I cry
A mother can hurt, ten years is too long, the warehouse is overflowing
Filled with pent up dreams, raging emotions, boxes of love packed tight
Ribbons fade and the colors now indiscernible, the old man who works
Tires of stacking more away, he is bored of this job, threatens to quit
I smile and walk away, the exhaustion of piling up emotions has taken

It's toll on me, I can't pretend to be stronger
Than all mothers and fathers wrapped up in ONE
Parental package, what circus clown in garrish
Garb can cover the beating of my heart, my heart

Breaks a thousand times (does yours) and the pieces float like confetti
On a windless day, in some empty football stadium (in my soul) and
They left for some party, portraying "family" like weak rag dolls limp
Dishonesty, becomes so bland that strangers might think you invisible
They move further away until you are isolated in this bizarre circle
He created in hate, and one day a clock strikes one, and he falls down

Screaming rank obscenities at no one in particular
Stray dogs still come around if he throws a bit of meat
Howling cats fornicating in the moonlight awaken him
He spits and never cries, crocodile tears never count

There is no room in the warehouse, the fire marshal tells us to "vacate"
This place is a hazard, these millions of boxes may go up in smoke
I never knew the emotions cannot be stored until today, so we are
Evacuating rapidly, ripping off the roof and the hot sun pours in to
Render fresh air, a tender moonbeam at night, and today they say
"It might rain you know" and we welcome that moist rain, like tears...

The streets are cracked and difficult to navigate
The people are cruel in thought, they do not trust
One wonders how miserable they are at night when
They shut out civilization and growl in bed, so angry

One hundred pounds of weight is removed, I float like a gentle piece
Of kite tail high into the West Texas sky, gently lifted higher, to the stars
The velvet night is dark pin cushion black, and we sit side by side where
No one can bother us at all, we are silent (you know) for the emotions are
Flowing deep, deep, and to the deepest place, and then we are smiling
Laughing, talking so fast we cannot hear, the past is gone, left the love

Growing so rapidly like Jack the Beanstalk
Happiness is foreign but feels so sweet tastes
Like honeysuckle fresh from the pasture it grows
Sporadically our love does not, it is untied, free

Walking so many miles we stop here, there is nothing but endless sky
Green deep grass, one or two pieces of clover, we find shade under a
Tree and sit, the tears are endless and stop, how is it either can feel
Guilt for we did not hurt each other, a system forced by a mad man
Separated us like prisoners behind the wall, he became a guard not
The warden for God rights wrongs even before we wave good bye, die

Wake up please, please wake up can you hear me
Don't leave again please, just wake up there is a strong
Pot of coffee brewing, let us sit and talk it out
You owe no one anything but you do owe you a lot

Heaven on earth we are, sitting here free and happy for the first time
I can feel your heart beat each time even a thousand miles away but
Don't you think this is better (face to face) and now the warehouse is
Empty, dismantled, no one can find our feelings but "we who share them"
I thank God for this moment, and all others that will come to pass for we
Know the time is now, I am here (so are you), never to leave again, not I...

There is no greater song sung
No money, no diamond, no prestige
But the love within my heart for you
I love you, do not turn away
Love you...

How to love a Mother does...

Can't RUN
for my daughter Patricia Mae Hallenbeck-Sikorsky
Karen Hallenbeck-Sikorsky-George BSRN
September 26, 2007


Untie the chains, they cut and bind me, the weight of metal ripping skin
Bones scream in pain (stop hurting me), she (my mother) dropped me from her
Like a foul dump, never did she kiss my forehead, tuck me in, stay awake
As fever, childhood illness ripped me into thousands of pieces, she hurt
Me in a private place, beat me with a piece of wood, my bones cry the
Bruises are purple, black, blue "I left you Mommy good bye to you,"

Never there, you had more, I am sorry
Ten years without your smiling face your
Blue eyes whisper the love in your heart
Don't let me go (I'm here), come see

You are my heart, not one day did I spend without you, waking you up
For school, helping you be you, for each light that a candle shines is
Hope, each dark night in pain is faith, each word spoken by anyone is
Just you (I wait) and till my dying day I never left this child behind I
Forsake YOU to come to me in your male anger thinking you can BEAT
The living FUCK out of me, you bloated with an anchor of FEAR, go now go

Pastel blue, scent of lilac, you are natural
A comfort to God in HIS creation, you are
Not to be touched by the darkness for you are
That shining star that special spot in my heart

Let Monday find Tuesday alone, this Wednesday is a start, spend five minutes
On a raft floating lightly in a calm sea, sun touching your face, sleep deeply
Awaken to know (I am here) and do not let others feel your need, or take who
You are away, for only you and I can make this day, I am the only mother you
Have I can wipe away the tears and spoil you with laughter, there is a volume
Written in your name of answers (to questions) you ask each day, (I am here)...

Eat a piece of cake, let the hunger subside
Feel my arms hug to embrace it is me,
It does not have to be good bye you won't see
Until you arrive, get in your car, come to me

Roses bloom gently, frogs sound off in early fall, there are children in parks
Mothers tired of being mothers, not I. for there is nothing I'd rather be than
What you need and seek, my feelings are as clear as the sky, even fog
Will not block my beating heart (for you), and the tide may roll in and a storm
Break, but no one on God's earth can take your place, no longer must you run
See you are the victor of this race, (I am here), take just a few steps, come now

Time stops again (if you let it) and a bird's song ends
Alarm clocks buzz and repeat the boredom of empty day
Not now, (I am here), not now this pale vision fades,
I wait Patty each day I wait, let me take your pain away

Give you all the happiness I left behind, removed from you, alone, but near
Thousands of miles I walked, my feet bled, did not stop, for somewhere you
Would be standing (I am here) smiling, (I am here), never ending (I am here)
Being YOU the wonderful YOU that God made, please know the hurt is gone
Take this flower I saved, you picked it deep in the woods, your hair smelling
Of life the earth, you grew it deep in your heart, let me say I love you

Respect you, look at you
See me, but always you
Let me say this day is all
We can create, and the
Balloons will fly up high and
I will stay (I am here) yes I
Will remain...

My children for them not me...

Why Would My Little Girl?
by Karen Hallenbeck-Sikorsky-George BSRN
September 14, 2007


Why would my little girl hurt me; that tidal wave came suddenly
Distant shore so far away, the sky held no clue of death, just pale blue
Fat white clouds drift while I lay in wait, for peace, everlasting rest
Then bigger than a far off mountain, larger than the widest plain
She came in fury, wrath, hatred, the cruelty of the masses tame
I cannot compare this hurt, my grief, her pain, why me little girl, me?

She so small, a bundle of life, nestled to the breast
Eager to be her mother's child, red faced, hands clenched
As baby's do, she held on (and I did she), not one tired
Moment raising one, two, three, four and five of you did I

Hurt, not me; the torrential rain of a death trap (marriage) did not even
Pinch, much less scar, or close in like a predator (deep this heart),
The love, boundless, my inner child's need reflected each of you
No pain within, perhaps my expression cursed "him" (your father)
But never for a second did I regret that life, those twenty years until
Today when I return grown up, no child, to hurt, why little girl, why me?

I count the minutes, ten years almost, like acid drops searing
Deep past the skin, past the veins, past the bone, my body
Raped in wait, no man of thousands once would turn my head
Much less cause pain (RSD tame) like this fearful lie, not you

Little girl, not you laughing, smiling, giggling, eating, playing, growing
Strong your mother's gift I gave, no night terror, financial worry, threats
To land, sea and air could diminish one heart (mine) that would carry
You beyond the battle, to distant shores, no foreign dignitary or prince
Of charm, no world war ten much less three, could pry God's prayer
To parents blessed, to hurt to take, one man depressed, not you, not me...

You cried silent tears that last day, some cartoon judge
A courthouse bare, took five young hearts a father's fate
For God true king will wait until your tearless cry as I
Passed out, "Mommy no don't leave," I am here, not me

Each morning if sleep took me, awaken to the nightmare dream of
Rich fresh earth on little P's hair, her arms around me blue eyes stare
Deep so deep where no one goes, deep so deep our love knows
Destiny not a sickened man, eternity not selfish hate, forever am I
The one mother, the only one; true and present, right here now I am
You are beyond my touch, my voice silent "no do not kill" I, not me...

Christmas morning, birthday night, one born, one grown, one
Strong white and brilliant miracle, the fight silent storm ends
Moves me, shakes the fear out, like salt upon the wound no
Solace, only movement the missive speaks, oh love oh heart

Do not die, swim under this tidal wave, discontent, deeper I dive beneath
Air, oxygen escapes, and in this last blinding end my body pops up above
The salty brine, a cork from a champagne bottle long left to age, in wisdom
No threat, the destruction is to all but one, dragging myself slowly onto this
Sandy shore I pray "God deliver me from sin, let my child live amen" and
Multitudes of angels cannot soothe this mother's pain, push them away, go

She cries, my heart breaks, she lies, my heart breaks
I see into her deepest blue eyes a fear beyond any rain
No tears can remove this day, no words of apology can
Lessen the deepest scar (hate?) not me, little girl, not I...

Telephone ring, typed words black and white, pictures without emotion
Daisy flowers strewn on dirt floor without life, they die their petals bend
Wilt (like I), starve, no rain drops to nourish, why do we find this jail
This crime imposed, this forever fate, when bare footed on a summer day
Birds sing, hearts fill (with love) far away, how did I get here to remember
Why would my little girl hurt me, why little girl, why me, you have one

Mother, can you see beyond
The lie, the honest truth ,why me
Why you, this is it, I am through
I am human not God, but He alone
Loves without condition, why wait
Little girl, why me (you)
I love you, taught you love
Why little girl, why hate?

The bell sounds, God save me
He takes my hand, it's too late...

A lost thought...

End Is
Karen Hallenbeck-Sikorsky-George BSRN
August 30, 2007


That pale light, a border around trees that are blurry, green spread in
Water spotted fat leaves, they are dying, and the branches bend
Fat with past storms, that come in late afternoon only to break the
Huge elephant humidity, this climate is death valley, but the tremor
The heat lightning is not evident, this might be a concentration camp
Undiscovered, and I can't dance, smile or sing to you, it hurts

To know this is not home, but the girls are still
Fresh in my mind, my children around the
Christmas tree jubilant, I wrapped those presents for
Five of you, till two in the morning, and ho ho hoed at four

They run downstairs to see that Santa is gone, and then I pretend
To drag down to make that first pot of coffee, and inside my heart a giggle
Erupts how I love them (and they me), and their father lays in bed
Thinking why does she do this, and he never knew that the youngest
Ones believe, and that God is here on Christmas day, we are happy
Just for now, we are full of a presence of life, Jesus Christ is born

Intrepid summer heat, here in Virginia, there in Louisiana
The people are like piss ants futilely biting their neighbor
Pretending to have more than you, and not knowing how to
Hold hands with the one you love, smile, passion is the spark

Beginnings need not end, but the world is rapidly going down, and
I want to hold on to God, and let Him show me the way to smile
(One more time), to dance in the moonlight and recall when we
First kissed and I said "Look at this sky it goes on forever" and
When I turned around you took me in your arms, your lips
Touched mine and they never separated again, I can love you

The tornado stops for the pieces of this ongoing puzzle
Are easy to put together, and yet nothing is finite and
We know less as we learn more, let it go let God in oh
Yes, I will curtsy I am a southern girl I will smile just for you

Can we try to buy this dime bag of happiness, and shoot it in our veins
It is not an illegal drug, like a gentle first seed sprouting up through
Dark fertile soil it is what we aspire, what we need, we are united
As one why not trust you, why not say a stranger is a loving part of
Creation, and if you want to strangle me, rape me, steal what little I
Have then I am still here, not burdened by cruel thoughts, blind eyes

Cleaning up all that wrapping paper, the bows are easy, and
Smell that big fat turkey bird dripping in sweet butter in the oven
The afternoon is ahead and my tired eyes continue to watch
To think "I need to shower put on my face get ready" and

Years later when you took my girls, and Christmas killed me like
Poison searing flesh from my heart of hearts, I would give anything
Arms, legs, my last breath just for that one day to come again so
I might take each of you in my slender arms, hold you to my breast
Smell your sweet child scent, croon in your little girl ears, brush my
Lips across your smooth foreheads, one by one "I love you oh yes."

The men in my life have tried to crawl deep, deeper and way deep
Into the dark reaches of this huge heart, which like West Texas sky
Has no beginning and no end, they might reach that beating vessel
And fall deep within to drown, lifeless, removed and gone, go now

Away from a place where a white picket fence is brightly painted, and
Smiling, giggling, blonde haired blue eyes angels line up, dressed so
Pretty in shades of lavender, pink, and white; rosy cheeks bright and
Clear, and small fat hands holding each other, that church bell within
Rings true for each of you are going to make it, I am here in this
Dirty place, loving with abandon, growing like a weed, we won, yes...

He can pray, God forgives us all, he can seek me and not
Find me, I can walk before him in total safety for the cloud
Which is my home today is God's loving hand on my shoulder
Guiding me through torrential rain to the sunset, oh pinkest day

Await the celebration, "I am the way, the truth the life" and no word
Is needed my sweetest children, my grown up girls, my life my heart
Is full, please drive carefully, the price of gas may rise, and one day
Alone you might stand, looking out at the desert plain seeing all you
Love before you, like a pasture filled with daisies, and the smell of
Jersey lilac in August, don't ever let go please, hold on, yes smile

For me just one time
I love you, enjoy the God who
Loves you, I am calm like a
Newborn day, pale yellow lemon drop
I love you...love you...you

Heat Wave...

Eclipse
Karen Hallenbeck-Sikorsky-George BSRN
Tuesday August 14th, 2007


The heat of summer became an outrage, homeless people die as it burns
Inside out, they walk the streets of this huge airless city, baked and left
Stuck in the pan (Richmond), no icing on this cake, they die, they lose the
Last air in their lungs, would it be better to freeze in winter's wet cold (here)
They are stiff white paste, glued to the hot sidewalk, dropping down like flies
How do I complain, air conditioning pouring on me like a spring fed pond

Emotions gyrate, turn my stomach (one more time)
This land is prison, the guards are planning to evacuate
To leave the inmates behind to starve, roast like pork on
The spit, then like Hitler to torture in the last second

No life just resolution, no beginning (this my end), no rainbow after the sun
Peeks through those thick congested storm clouds, to remind me this is
NOT home, West Texas beckons me as my skin feels that desert heat yet
Sweat evaporates on my skin lightly moist, and the song plays forever in
My heart (of love lost and yet begun again), and the men line up like toy
Soldiers. to remind me the firing squad (me) has committed the unspeakable

Forgive me my sins Father, grace my life with humility
Let the poor be fed, the dying drink cold water or they
Will perish in this heat wave, here in Richmond, Virginia
I have to remember not to forget, just today, not forever

I watch that series of a young man touched by God, he comes alive in the
End part of California (Mexico border,) and there are deep spiritual places he
Travels, the cast is human they wear the roles of those I know in my life and
I miss my husband, remember how hard it is when heroin whore whacks his
Heart upside down, and his face pale, eyes cloudy repeat the lie, it never was
Directed against me, we made a promise to live as long as we could, I will

Not forget, do forgive you, and you love me as I do you
Our children a painful scar erupting (like infection) in the moments
When we are apart, not in our mellow love that grows despite
The axes we swing, the rope that chokes us, no judgement day

The heat wave broke somewhere around two in the morning, when the bars
Locked and closed doors, and the stray drunks staggered across sidewalks
Pretending to be clear, touching stray people looking for the love that must
Come from within (self), and never seeing the Higher Power guiding them
Across that huge Broad Street to a car (not to wreck), and they make it
Home (where the heart is) just one more time, God loves us, He does, yes...

You came to spend the night, it was late and I settled into
This new routine evolving minute by minute, for a week I near
Succumbed to the intrepid heat the literal temperature broke
One hundred and eleven, and a church bell died (oh our sins)...

That little blue eyed girl asks me "why are you so tall" and I tell her honestly
"I am not, I'm just skinny and look taller" she is immersed in that solid thought
Does not believe one day she might "Jack the Beanstalk me" and be looking
Down does she know who I am (deep inside) for I am not her Mom's friend
Although I am in spirit her mother first of course, and there is a silent rose
Petal and her cheeks are wet with tears, her laughter stirs my exhaustion

Break the silence, I pray for the good in all of us, and the
Will of the Father to take us all to that gentle place we cannot
Avoid or escape, it is life, it is only here for the living so why
Do we commit suicide, desire pain and suffering instead of grace

I am done with this mixture of words that might have no meaning
I love you, and am learning today how to live this
Heart that will burst, am I you, no
More excuse I hope for rain...

For Luke...Come home...

Chatterbox
dedicated to my husband, Luke George
Karen Hallenbeck-Sikorsky-George BSRN
July 29th, 2007


Whisper in my ear, your breath fills me with helium, to rise
Gently higher, reaching a place we alone share, this sweet
Warm light tinted sky-blue, the lace panels flutter, rise, and
Bring it home, that delicate sweat we share tastes like dew
Tongue touches yours, when we intertwine we are that fine
Wine resting in the cellar, deep darkness, light this candle

Pink violin play, the ballroom slows down and we
Remain, an elegant couple moving in effortless grace
Around in wide circles, blonde hair pulled up high my
Leg touches yours, your eyes break my step, closer

I come into your powerful arms, and a church bell sounds
Peals the hours before dawn (one, two, three), and you
Take me home where the white cotton sheets stand at
Attention, awaiting our measured movement, to rumple
Still, twist and turn, move up and down, a tear falls singly
Down my cheek, tonight I sleep alone, I pray for you...

One more time you chained and left, our promise
Never fades (dark eyes you), and this time I did not
Erupt when you broke bond, went off to push heroin
Up your tired vein, you relapse and I did not forgive

Summer heat came early (May) and 106 degree days burned
Into night, no relief from torture, the air conditioner did not hum
Cold (but warm,) and Mexican maintenance men used machismo
To try to talk me down, into that hospital I went while potassium
Dripped into my tired veins, you loved me in County Jail awaited
My loving heart, blamed me when you chained out of Sanchez

Don't we know by now what to do, we were born
Years before our time, our God joined us before
That birth, our marriage is not disposable, and we
Will cry apart, and feel passion burn, blush, not fade

You are the gift He gave, when the pain of abuse died, you are
The firefly seen on summer night, touching me with beauty, male
Heat, the depth of love needed to break those demons in me,
You love me unconditionally, but prefer the errant child sleep
The woman grow, mold upon your hands, you shape her, keep
Her and that gold locket not remain, it is my deepest heart...

Cherish you in memory, if the faded family stays out
Of our back yard and you overpower the urge to die, then
Find me now for I am living, breathing, carrying that pain
Off the highest cliff, and will never fall again with you

It is the morning, the smell of fresh coffee fills my body, awaken
Walk, get on my knees (pray), the day is new, and hope is in
That infinite sky that stretches from where you are right here to me
My hand stays at my side waiting yours, and when they connect
We will be forever, the days of earth cherished, and the neon
Signs won't do us wrong, I love you, won't you see me here

The sandbox is full, the children chatter
Disappear, and there you are, dark eyes
Shining, welcome home...

Hello new World

I Am Karen
Karen Hallenbeck-Sikorsky-George BSRN
July 26th, 2007

Red and black cheap game board, plastic pieces, one lost
Between the coffee table, that little girl could be platinum blonde
Somewhere in between, she rides that rocking horse with glee
Does not cry, smile, or laugh when you want her to, she is
A clone of your youngest sister, but she thinks like you did
Driving back and forth, a week at a time, claustrophobic

I'd be, but anxiety ridden I was watching
Mom and Dad beat the hell out of each other
Their voices no longer scared me, silent dream
Go away, but the fist punched hard, in the face

Down she goes, chess is a foreign place, maybe I have no class
Or those who birthed me thought it was not necessary for I
Was pushed by that abusive bitch to be a secretary and my
God brain took me ivy league, up and down like jump rope, subtle
Clinging vine, but I'd spin on vodka or gin, just fifteen years old
Black out drinker, I'll soothe your beast, and his animal too

Children play, can't define innocent, for my white
Virgin's dress was soiled, with blood from birth if
You want to see a doll face pout, lick her lips and
Leave the natural gloss of angel dust behind, for me

Ripening pumpkins on the sticky vines, fall air cooler and at
Dawn the wet cool drops of dew saturate my pale finger tips
The bus is late, the sun rises higher in the sky, that invisible
Clock tick tocks, and my shapely six year old legs do not yet
Know what they do, and the circle widens as the world comes
In my secret place, no hide and seek left, your child is like me

When she isolates, nods her head yes but knows
Adult thought, she is still able to portray child's face
But in day glow moments that Clockwork Orange test
Stains her cheeks red, and you rip her fishnets off

After all a little girl is not a paper doll, a mannequin product of
The "before and after" prostitutes, a sign of our times in the
Years before, abortion as birth control removed the freedom of
The seed to grow, live, and gender specific fertilizer lost value
The trains pass here so loud you can feel them screech right
Between your ears, and your brain cannot be heard in words

I love you (lilac) blossom scent, your finger tips push away
That stray blonde tendril of hair, those blue eyes know in
Spite of the "fib", the words of your Mom (calling me Mom)
I am that being (Grammy) from Texas, the one on the phone,

Extension of a generation past, and I'll sing to you if you truly
Ask me to, I'll hold you to my most slender form and comfort
Those pre adult thoughts, that speckle your innocence with
Rat poison burden, the "ifs" can quiet just like a hungry belly
Sops up whole milk and graham crackers, soggy but filling, I am
Not even close to the PawPaw theory, he fears the

Truth, the rainbow that crosses this foggy haze here in
Richmond, Virginia down beneath that bridge where old
Drunks hold worn paper bags of sour alcohol milkshakes
They forget to use a straw, the fat ones we get at McDonalds

Let even the most parched throat speak eternal love, and
Your child's voice says "I am thirsty" and the endless spring rain
Falls down, we run barefoot (you and I), and the smooth pebbles
In that stream behind the pine tree, cool our hot feet, is it yet the
Summer of our discontent, and the railroad clock strikes five
"We better get home" your mother is waiting, tapping her foot

I am not her child, but I am your family you may not
Know I am yours for my child's smile tells you
That flowers will bloom for us in a blizzard snow north of
The desert, but no mountain is large enough to keep us apart

"I love you sweet pea" and you giggle as I tickle your ribs
You skip like I do, skinny as a rail, you dance with grace
I hand you one pink rose, your breathe deeply and then the
Story that will light up your smile is told; I call you "Goofus"
You're beautiful and know it (we are kindred spirits)
Would you like to take a walk with me again, you say yes...

Thank God she loves me too
I'll give her all of me, and fly like
Confetti towards the western sky
Just this one time, oh yes
Again and again...
For the record I am not Karen,
Kayla...

Chopped Melon
Karen Hallenbeck-Sikorsky-George BSRN
July 26th, 2007


Cold, slippery, pale orange cut in cubes, once round now soft
You taste sweet, and summer touches my tongue even now
In the cold winter morning when alone I warm myself, the silence
As that six o'clock train bangs past my windows, reminds me
I live in the city, no longer does that infinite blue West Texas sky
Take the sadness in my heart away, for somehow I came home

Those people crossing the street are in a hurry
The bustle of cars pushing and shoving up that
Steep hill, remind me that big cities never die they
May fester and infect many, but remain alive

Steam rises from the factory over there near Church Hill, there
Are so many people awake, some just getting home drunk or
Working a night shift, the sun rises so pale it is almost white
Shrunken, but the heat of this cold winter day, and soon the
Freezing rain forecast will blanket the cobblestone streets, and
I will return home hungry, perhaps frozen cold enough to run

A hot bath to soak (alone,) and read a book
Dinner is hot, and anything that goes in that way
Will fill me up, and I won't need a nap anymore
For I am healthy, strong and the candle of hope mine

Tulip bulb somewhere in New Jersey comes back, years ago
Planted with crocus, gentle ferns, and Belgian block stone
In a home we could have lived in forever, long past the time
When the children grew up, but we came down here to the
South where I was a child, not Roanoke, but Richmond with
It's screaming faces, noise, fetid sky like vomit dried, and

Stuck in place, who was to say when my
World turned upside down, and the death
Smelled its way through my body in the
Pain (RSD) that will never go away, I'd return

Thank God I do not stand homeless and frozen on
West Broad Street, littered by other sick bodies on the
Clear icy sidewalk, posted like tacks on the bulletin board
In a brick school house, the dying bodies live on and on
A soup kitchen offers little comfort for the living dead, but
You might hitchhike to the Salvation Army in Midland, Texas...

The clouds are hard to discern, my eyes burn
Are tears forming or is the pollen from last spring
Present to remind me, it is not quite as clean as
The land of infinite skies, where I married again

Found momentary grace in God's will by the passionate lips
Of a man hungry for his fill of love, but unable to accept that
He might only be my friend, for his disease in a world gone mad
Is a product of man's sin against man, they might call it
Bioterrorism, but HIV is the gift of lust, and the descent of racism
Allowed it's deathlike tentacles to grasp a continent called Africa

First...I hear a song I wrote playing in a cafe and
This time I do not wonder why man steals, rapes, or
Destroys, for words spoken in music may be the last
Question you ask on a day like any other when
Life ends, and the spectacular reality hits as your dying breath
Eases on dry lips; that every moment of time spent in over
Fifty years will pass in less than a half minute, and the fear
Drops like a weight, and the peace enters like new blood
Your eyes see for the first time as you take your last step
Love unconditional given, and that light is the only passage

To the beginning of infinite knowledge, and we all
Can see that red tulip bend under that sudden winter
Storm; it will freeze into a mosaic form and on the
Next day remain whole, to remember this my miracle

There is very little milk left, and I cannot sit here complacent
Like a fat, well-fed cat on the hearth of a warm fireplace to
Purr and sleep, no it is time to pull on those tight snow boots,
Slip on those woolen gloves, find my keys and venture down
Not to slip and fall on that sidewalk, but drive up the hill to the
Fan, and shop among others who punched a clock and are

Home from work for the night, tired and
Almost ready for bed, clothes laid out for the
Next day, television quietly blaring some story
Close enough to believe, the sedative for rest

Blushing I recall when sex was a fix
Dying was the answer, and that first marriage
Destroyed a girl who never had a chance at
Being a child, today I write a check, yawn
Carry that bag upstairs, lock the door, because
It's just time to go to bed...

Shoe Untied
Karen Hallenbeck-Sikorsky-George BSRN
July 26th, 2007

The airport is so cold, and the loud noises of jets forcing their
Way up and down runways is the boredom revisited of a world
Traffic bound, constipated with busy and effortless technology that
Delays the birth of a child, in a world population that deletes the
Living from pre birth to elderly state, the life breathed into us is
Scheduled, and if you miss your appointment, you might be without

A home, not a roof or four walls, not a brick or
Frame structure, but a place where one warm body or
Being exists in reverent respect for the silhouette of
Another, and there might be others who live too

Never could I make pancakes, in shame I would hide if the children
Said "Mommy make pancakes please" but their father could create
Round milk toast colored mounds, as smooth as the skin of a newborn
Perfect circles in a hot skillet lightly frying in olive oil, they were just
Something I could not digest, and even today I remember what could
Not be done (by me), and I can make eggs, toast, cereal all for you...

There are people marching forward, they are not soldiers
I like their similar traits, but remain apart, so aloof and will not
Accept their invitation to enter, partake in their schedule for
It is simple to me to carry on what I brought with me, to you

That blue dress you wear is a bad color for me, but the sky picks
Up the song it sings, and you become a happy person wearing it
That man is getting closer to you (is it your dress), and I wave
Good bye and enjoy walking away from your place, you can pick
My brain another day, and if a diamond ring is on your finger
Tuesday then I might be busy, take a trip, and go away...

Chocolate ice, is it a necklace, an ice cream cone
Ghost above, fireman below, the flames are melting me
Snow cone dream, it is an orange ice pop and am I
Just hungry, or in pain for the last rainbow

Is impatiens on a gentle summer day, the thunder pounds down
No rain, the humidity builds until that last gasp of air is suffering
Sweat pours down me like the storm, somewhere far away a tidal
Wave builds, strongly falls, and a mile is washed away, not my
Home, not yours, but strangers do not wave good bye before God
Pastes their names on His clipboard, they entered early but

Are right on time, today is the day
Oh everlasting life...

No place for hate...

There is No Place
Karen Hallenbeck-Sikorsky-George BSRN
June 14th, 2007


The lie grew large, an arabesque blob of fate, smearing like an un wiped
Baby's bottom, across a heart that never gave you the "time of day..."
Triplicated, duplicated, fornicated; this lie became your daily life and
Underneath the soft blanket (I bought) you hid, quivering, sniffling, lost
Like the animal (you are), beaten down like a railroad tie, deep, as dark
As caverns untouched one century or more, you faded, aged, died

In me remains life, like a tiny tulip bulb pressing the hard
Shell to extend, to fertile dark earth, wiggling upward toward
Sun, light, all that is new (I am), and while I traveled this short
"Down the block" trip, you rooted like a rat burrowing in the lie

There is no place you go today that I choose to follow, there is no home
Large enough for us to exist (in peace), and your cruel words are like
Helium balloons popping at the slightest pressure, falling down like
Weak kneed arthritic men begging for mercy, today the visual I retain
Is that sour faced, purple bruised (what's that) bitch, breaking in a window
Again (just like you said), and the destiny of a little girl, (her child) fades away...

I am a good mother, she is unfit, not to mention she beat
Her spawn in jealousy, and to see why she is dying is simple
No one disease, but she, the soul of a festered sore spewing pus
(That is) she, a cross beyond a reptile, but human formed, amen

She will take the crumbs on the floor, remain in the swamp, just waiting
For you to leave (unlocked door lazy you), and break and enter again a
Home that never speaks of love, a place of stale memories created and
Never cleaned years before I came into your life, with God's breath
Scattered in my words of grace, my thoughts of caring, my kindest heart
My derision mere sex, my outcome clear, "I am" opposite of she, I am...

She is a cross between a whore, and the unpaid fat slut they call
It female in America, but women around the world are not this way
On hands and knees grateful for any man's attention, (not I),
Alone, hungry, fattened for the kill, useless to self much less you...

The crime is murder, do not take the soul of an innocent child and
Put her on a missing child site, do not hit your child in self-hatred nor
Bear the wound of your parents on your sleeve, there never is an excuse
The charge is held in heaven's gate, where entry is transparent to those
Who never ask admittance, never beg for forgiveness, who know at the end
The Lord taketh, giveth, and keepth those dear and near to His heart...

Infinite grace, the pale blue melon flavored sky of West Texas
Reminds me of purity, and the taste of tart ice pop (grape) upon
My hungry tongue, if the dark night is close to 100 degrees
Than day might render hard wind, (west) and a simple breeze

Oh wind of change take me home, for now the culture, intellect, and lesser
Sky of the Commonwealth is upon me; their chatter less memorable but
I am of the loving mother's heart to resolve the past in no time frame but
Living in today, swimming in thick humid air past the James, always yes
Does Midland, Texas call me "home" I am a child of the Great One who
Passes through the lived lives on earth, on angelic voyage home, heaven is...

Turn the key in the lock, it has not been changed, and he hates
Me for leaving so many times that the number 100 is so small, so distant
I have loved him in the low tide of the sea, never the high tide when
Crashing into shore I immediately swam under the breakers to leave

"I am gone from you" and no choice was made with dime store Cajun cops
Standing like overweight apes in your house, making niceties with me alas
It is too little too late, and this bruised myopic muddy colored dying statue
Fell like cracked Play Doh, her shrieking holler, pathetic cries did not tell
An honest word, little did I believe, (it was this horrible) and yet you have
Proclaimed "I will never change" and your many battles won, the medals gone?

A hospital closed down speaks of intensive care, poor condition and
She receives last chances from a sickened husband driving furiously
Across state lines to retrieve the worst part of a woman who lost a child
I sat here typing, pondering, and God filled me with HIS strength not I...

My dog saved from the sewer is almost seven years old, he is meek but
Huge, and will never know tender love, a bath, a day of sunlight and joy
You claimed him on my guilt list, and he would never fit anyhow not in my
"Norma Jean GLI" who has yet to break 150 mph (but will), and I will put
This furry mess away in my heart (where memory of first dirt storm lives),
Pray for the enemy (now there is none), walk invisibly from you forevermore..

Energy is slow to build within my frail form, it enters in small particles
Osmosis of the air, nutrients daintily eaten (drank), and the building block
Is just ONE for God, she is (me), and graciously I will walk, not turning
Back (to you), and your chattel maid will break and enter again this time

You can weep, pray, and turn to change; the Father will forgive you (not I),
The amends made, the freedom slow to seep into my wanting spiritual plain
But drop by drop the serenity forms, like whipped cream layer on top of
Banana pie, I am still married to a man who could not have all of me (then)
He is the vestal virgin in my life "I love you so" and will remain yours till the
Very end of time (on earth) and beyond, this magnolia blossom scents of

You my true love, not he
The anger is foreign to me
Hate is not love, kindness is the
Key to loving as God does love
You, yes me, oh we are...
ONE, His fertile plain in our
Tender space, our marital bed, yes
There is no place for hate..

One plus +

Forward Arm
Karen Hallenbeck-Sikorsky-George BSRN
Sunday June 3rd, 2007

How many blades of grass, dandelions of weed insignia do you see
Blinded with your dark sunglasses, begging to ignore the simplest
Creations, the rose bush remains unwatered, dry, potted in dark plastic
Bearing down dry root rot like a pregnant sow having to birth, release the
Weighted burden from her inner part, there is a reproductive madness
In the living; animal, human, plant, creatures of existence, we must see

The island pink, the air clear, the temperature moderate
No one part offends or caresses my skin, why must my
Human whole fall apart before the honest truth fills me up
A gallon of gas, water, or milk; we are but one of HIS endings

The child repeats words, sounds, and her small face is emotionless
Portraying the replication of generations of want, fear, where is the kind
Giving present wrapped in foil, this complicated layer of indecision wears
Me thin, like water forming ice; not quite born, not yet ready to bear weight
Try to get on your feet, take one step at a time, allow empty nothing to
Give you solace, serenity, even love; if you get beyond this surly past time

Of judging the life that erects towers whether you want it or not
If you are given a ride, then return one, if it means carrying another
On your broken back in the heat of hell then lift that person up higher
Yes so much higher than you, the test tube of life is over, now

Is the last moment, the clock does not tick, there is no date or year
The sun rises, the moon sits expectant, imagine grandmother knitting a
Warm wool sweater, how it itches your skin, and the tears can fall
In sorrow, hate, or happiness; do not think, plan, return to sender for
The dollar signs rear like stallions to fight who HE made you to be
I know little but this, and misery is our life foundation, here, on earth

Blonde hair, dark skin, crimson eyes, mixtures of cake
Flavors of ice cream, tornado vestige, hurricane laugh, the
Triumphant appendage of an amputated snake head does
Not change the moment of faith, the light of hope, the spirit

I smoke Kool 100's in the box, why do I imitate my father's habit
He died almost 40 years ago but I'll chew my fingernails, laugh that
Silly laugh, remember him watching football on a Sunday afternoon,
And the heart attack that ended his life is just as gray and clammy
As his skin as he suffered irreversible pain, life's ending here and I
Will miss him (as I do me) when the afternoon rain removes heat

To be is not to know, and today there is not one speck
Of intellect left in this gifted mind, this body that is frail
Recuperating from infection, and still ready to trust a
Foreign car to guide me east, south, or nowhere

The grace is here, hidden on your address book
Black pen poised to write your name
We share a marriage, two names became one
Are you okay, or have you fallen down needle in vein
To remain a blade of grass hidden in torrential rain...

"Karen writes in 3's...." :-)

Robin Dancing Mud Puddle
Karen Hallenbeck-Sikorsky-George BSRN
Sunday June 3rd, 2007

Citronella candle chase the insects from my skin, flies; summer squalor
Heat bending me, tin foil crisp, this body dies; falls, the treetops pollution
Sends me over the edge (of a cliff) in a sweet hometown place, where
Grandma is crippled with arthritis; smiling over a blueberry muffin
Aspirin is enough for there is never enough, today two robins swim
Flutter wings, the rain pours, the thunder sounds, a million drops

Wrong way sign no stop, no go, try to walk to
A place dry, warm (not cold), remember down
Comforter, New England snow, rubber galoshes
Warm red mittens bright, take me now, me, yes...

Flies cluster, multiply, mate and feed on waste, don't land (they do)
Itching skin, the air so thick (cannot breathe), and the light does not
Clear my blurry vision, there is NO paper doll place to play, no supper
Dish to encourage me to eat, food sits, remains, rots, inside my gut
Outside to gather air, particles of country feed, this pasture is toxic
Misfit moron can't you see (are you talking to self), star night so bright

I pray for you, see us touching, one finger laced into
Mine, the electric magnet of skin, the eternal embrace
Did not know love (did you), and your heroin mistress waits
In hiding, pray for you again tonight, are you okay?

Driving across the country (due east or south), west is where it is home
The heartland of my revelation, God drove me here without conscious
Thought, HE plowed down disease, created tolerance, erected a
Mansion built on desert dirt (not sand), and the infinite clouds, endless
Sky, no beginning or end horizon, filled me with saddest tears, missing
My children, fruit of my womb, guilt partied heavily, won, robbed me, you...

Little child tapping restlessly, grocery store line is
That your mother, so unlike you immersed in food
While you (like I) read magazines far beyond your
Years, your face a pout, like fine china, blue eyes

Memory, is a barren wind, today it comes to evacuate the prisoner within
She has served time behind the wall, drenched in sweat, deep PAIN
Headache vision, no place to go; she paces in circles never to find
Sleep, there is no surge of happiness, no serene smile, no gentle place
Until now, touch your hand from afar, will 'we meet one more time'
Marry in the round surface of a stone plain, no desert, just us two

This child is empty, beautifully formed, but dead to the
Wonder of sunrise, purple mountains in the Berkshires
Easter egg dumpling fall leaves scattered, as the first
Snow enters like a rapist in the morning night, filling her

With first blizzard, she sits on a wooden bench, bundled so tight you'd
Think "can she walk or move" and she falls to her knees in prayer
So slight a form, growing year by year, the hands form artistic flower
Petals with plain pencil on off white paper, smudging emotions on a
Lineless face, is she to see the truth, now twenty, maybe forty years old
The tunnel is wide enough for her to walk, cane poised, now eighty to die

I will travel by train today, the jet burns my ears, pops my
Clarity, there is a simple gray haired man smiling, wearing
Cherry red bow tie, his eyes alight, sparkle (he is mine)
My legs long in conservative high heels, no lace, so hot

The song playing is indiscernible, a small merry go round slowly turns
He bows (gentleman), and lifts me up on my blue silken horse like a
Knight, and the breeze tickles my cheeks, moistened by stray tears
We are together, around we go, stirring all the good and the bad leaves
As if purged, and never did it hurt like this (faith), and we are truly one
"I do" and will, his lips melt into mine, and morning doves opera awaits

Where do I go from here, are you wondering if we can be
Did you find the heart beating alone in Texas, I left it for you
Beside a tumbleweed traveling from Lubbock in a dirt storm
Come to me (I dare you), make me see the love (I care)...

That pelican escaped the bayou
That storm drain is dry, rusty, no water flows
That preacher fornicated the harlot and did not come
That mountain is just a hill, will flatten by dawn
That pebble came from an ocean in Africa
That life is to be lived, just with you...

(2)

Chatter Bee
Karen Hallenbeck-Sikorsky-George BSRN
Sunday June 3rd, 2007


Tall pine tree, scent strong, please lift me high enough to see
I am blind, this trip in circles became punishment, one day
In deep sleep, the day began and I could not see (you)
God knows this little girl, is unable to do one action without
Two eyes focused on the truth, turnip patch in cold fall
Burrowed deep, boil them, make them like mashed potatoes

Left so many times on highways from here to
Louisiana, back to Texas, the one trip back to
Virginia emptied my heart, sent me spinning and
Sick back to you (say you love me), to go west

If I just cry, so many do, the tears will dry, nothing will better
Pancakes are hard to make, but sweet to the taste, my tongue
Attuned to finer wants, my hands clenched, to fight you the
Prizefighter, who won, and at the end the bell rung and school
Was over (for the day), and the FEAR grew, errant weeds
Cluttered my restless mind, my legs carried me, where did I go?

To be of you, to despise you, to be of me
Subtle choices, women make them daily
Marriage lasts for years, for some a lifetime
Disparity, thankless coupling, just go away

Leave me alone, I hate you, go far from me, do not scream at
My spirit, destroy my self-respect; dishonor my loving heart not
Today or tomorrow, yesterday was black, sewer scented, ugly
Monster life please die, this hospital bed hurts my back and the
Needle in my arm is foreign, remove me from you (dear God)
Let me ice skate on that winter day when New Jersey dropped

Ten below zero and school was called out
No one in their right mind would go by the river
But there I slipped on black leather boy skates
Bundled so tight to breathe hurt, I was a lone star...

I should know by now where to go, how to dry my muddy feet
Wash a load of clothes, buy groceries, cook a simple meal
Alone...Reproduce the good moments in this too long life
Stare out in the velvet night sky from the warehouse windows
Pleasure filled, happy, content enough to repeat this act
Called life, another day; then a week until I am a routine

Walk that dog and balance your checkbook
Pay the bills, visit the soup kitchen, smile and
Give kind words from true thoughts like gifts
Wrapped in silver bows on Christmas Day, give

All of you even when you become empty
Your thirst will lead you to cold water and you
Will know God repays HIS goodness reflected in
Your life beyond your need, do not fear single
Purpose, it is eternal life, to begin on earth, first...

(3)

Ugly Trellis
Karen Hallenbeck-Sikorsky-George BSRN
Sunday June 3rd, 2007


The grapes are rotted dry, on that old white trellis, untended
Purple wine will have to wait, the land once fertile, wet, is
Scoured with drought, the farmers are gone, died, they are
Buried in the church cemetery beyond that stone gate and
Ill tended no one replaced the old preacher, when the
Congregation built a coveted place, inside the town, here

Children grew up for at least one hundred years
Held several mothers, watched their parents work
Grow, be, and then die; go to heaven in honesty
Obey the commandments, do not stray far

The old well went dry, spring fed it just stopped giving water
The house sold for half it's worth, and the last family
Childless moved a thousand miles to a big city, not guilty
As they ended a century of tradition, the grape vines withered
Fall rains renewed the well (it was not dry), and a new
Couple came in painting walls, cutting the apple trees down

Next summer some grapes fought on green leafy vine
To grow, but the family went west for the summer and
When fall entered cold, fighting for winter snow the
Grapes shrunk, died, and no one noticed, not one...

Civilization changed the town, and the history book closed
That horse and buggy ideology ended, polluted sports cars
Forced paved roads, and the property values soared like
Fast paced jet planes, plowing down the way God made it
Children became latch key, Mommy and Daddy worked
The family died, the simple way of night and day ended

Remind me ofreminded me when it was due back
The gray haired librarian who helped
Me pick a book, she lived alone, but smiled when children like I
Filled her day, you must be quiet when you read here

I saw a hummingbird it was so fast
Plain brown in coloration that when it left
I forgot it came
Be not of what you are, be what HE created
Be you...

Ohio is in the U.S.

Gray Goose Go there..
Karen Hallenbeck-Sikorsky-George BS,RN
Friday June 1st, 2007


This heat is boiling my thoughts, they are fried like death chips
Grains of sand, feet burrowing in wet sea salt, further out waves clip
Each other back to back, the tide weaves out, the sun downs into
A horizon of distance, thousands of miles away, perhaps you have never
Felt that cool water and salt upon your skin, if so the sweat will be
Washed away, and you will sleep deeply, air conditioned room, the night

Meadows, pastures, animal scents, a barn maybe two
Amish women with bonnets, black orthopedic shoes, they
Are deep "down sullen angry unhappy" and life is too simple
Beyond the acres down to the dirt road, they do not pay taxes

Restless urge to cause them destruction, and pull them out of this fantasy
Called religion, God is kind and loving, created this perfect world and yet
Adam and Eve damaged the apple, we are living in actions of sin, we are
Not pagan queens hidden in the country, judging the many millions who
Work hard, sleep fitfully, cannot see the simple roses blooming in June
Gain weight, die young, enter heavens gate with the God who loves us all

I just could not cool down, the hottest year in eighty they claim
No air conditioning to blunt the death knife of heat and RSD, no
Disclaimer or turning back, arrived here post sepsis, frail as a reed
Empty and knowing it all (one more time), grateful for friends here

Clover abounds in the green grass, two lilac bushes without bloom, a
Black angora cat, a gray tabby, goats baying next door, freak llamas
Too many trees, and the ground holds the WET till your pain becomes
Constant, it is not much different than home but for the cooler inside
Realms of a house, deep south states you will die without it, me too
Exhausted after sleep, it would not matter, the heat kills me

Ice pops saved me from intestinal fury in Austin, poisoned
By concentration camp survivor, Jew bitch and Jew son
Rallying the Houston loop, home on a Thursday, it is too
Cleared out, the disaster appeared Sunday, you chose me

Texas, west of Austin, Midland is my home, "I hail from West Texas"
This cannot be true (it is), and somewhere eight years ago I came out
On a jet plane, to be safe with a pilot who was an angel, who kept me
Safe from the deeper harm of the living, today I thank you kind sir
With what is left of the "me" you once knew, and the "Karen" that is
Living, speaking, breathing God's will, ending the emotional violence

My eyes still turn aqua blue when I cry, and today
Tears are wasted, those who have yet to walk the path
To truth will cry many rivers, and like me they will see
Clearly enough to reach out their hand to the drowning

I cannot stand heat, for it makes me insane, I cannot work
Smile, lift an arm to do a thing, with suffocation boiling me over
Spilling me into the vat of suicide, so my ride awaits me, gassed
Up, silver steed, dark highway night will beckon and I will go
South, not east, not this time, maybe next for I SO LOVE YOU
My daughters, so want to find our peace, resolution, our heart

Try not to skip over those rocks
Baby geese waddle towards their mother
Following so slow they might die in this heat
A sound follows, gunshots, they are in the
Lukewarm water, downy feathers stop...

Across America, then home...you

Dry as Desert Dust
Karen Hallenbeck-Sikorsky-George BS,RN
Friday June 1st, 2007


There is a plain, far yet near, inside your spiritual ending, it is
Waiting for a whisper, edging closer when you least expect it
To you I sing one simple song, clearer now, and louder than
The anthem of sadness etched in your powerful heart, it beats
Like a primitive drum, sadly broken by a child abused, used
By her sickest mother, just a nest to birth, spit out, dead one

The leaden weight lifted, it is hot summer day
The playground is empty by that old school
Grade school is just a million years away
Don't hold my hand in your heart, hold me close

Highways are not the same, the confusion that last day was
Boundless, stuck like glue in traffic, one stop light became
One hundred, stick shift gnawing rat holes of pain inside my
Skin, legs became lead weights, did you think once that I was
So far away I might never look back, it was so easy long ago
When forgiveness meant flowers, a word spoken, a touch

Yankees are not me, I was one once
They hear my drawl, laugh, smile, look sadly
Serious as they contemplate is she really here
Will she stay, she cannot be here, she'll die

Simple food, dead air stagnant like a tropical blaze, scalding
My truth, it hurts to know I failed at this trip, so many before
For the beginning and end are just one round circle and the
Miles are wasted time, the energy better spent cooling off
Wiping the sweat from my brow, knowing that I must remain
Still, like an infant yet born, breathing slow, with gentle sleep

Thank you for having me here, where am I
Who are these odd people who don't have fun
Where are the vestiges of America for I've come
Across this great land to see explosions, life

It is no less barren, frozen, burned to a crisp than other towns
Cultures drifted, life became the Vietnam war, the soldiers and
Battalions spent months, years stepping over land mines and
You never knew how lucky you were in the arms of a sick one
Who loves you endlessly, who will scream and yell in fear
If he thinks you are leaving, waiting perhaps for a holiday alone

I punched the clock, your face follows
No more crying, yelling, just a sweet smile
Thinking of how we don't have to answer
To anyone but our beating heart, right here

The ballet dancer is poised, so very innocent, palest pink light
Shimmers across her face, high cheek bones shadow two tears
Clear dew drops of life, oh she loves yes she does, even one it
Is you, do follow her across this wooden stage, polished with
Wax, slippery, her steps guide you back to the place you never
Dared go, her heart is yours, now take her to the store, do so

We are out of Coke
Need coffee, some bottled water
Just a taste, a subtle glance over
Time stops, I love you, yes
I am here, home, for you...

Elephant lagging behind....

No
by
Karen Hallenbeck-Sikorsky-George BS,RN
May 31st, 2007


Opal sun, desert moon, no more I walk this line of endless you
No worth to pray the hope is scattered, over on the garden rose
Petal drop upon my tears, you rose, pinker and bright, no seed
I am but flower light, the dark shatters, splinters the pain, the
Surging sea pounds me deeper, further, below all abyss, the core
Is timeless, this second of death, is tearing me to shreds like

Over bleached cotton stripped, and unbuttoned shirt, it
Falls open and my bare breasts cannot be touched again
By you or others staring deep into my heart, it is empty
I desire nothing but this warehouse wall, this my home is

No to you, for I walk gingerly barefoot, my hands hang limp
Exhaustion passed light years ago, the furnace simmers, awaits
The devil for my trade, he will die for there is no baby face of
Innocent day to give, the jewel glimmers like a rare emerald
Far to the left of the stucco house somewhere in Brazil and
This dark skinned maid brings sweet coffee (no) to you, not me

Cry out no recluse the world stands near me laughing
A spider pins my skin, injects venom I hurt again the
Delirium festers sopping flesh you think the lie begins
Ends, middles to the gorgeous girl who died for you

She cries, crumpled pillowcase, the lies stuffed deep inside
The scent tells of days and years of lost romance, some sex
For you her bonnet flawed, no virgin, bluest eyes turn flat and
A grey saucer beyond a pot of weak tea reminds your aching
Heart that "your Karen" drinks strong, dark, hot coffee soothed
With half and half, awaken, golden angel, don't go, she flies up

Again you pick her up, this child asleep, light weight in
Your powerful arms, she is innocent but knows more than
All adults she is ravaged, she is rape incarnate, she is
Filled with towering strength, and the eagle within her

Punctures your useless heart with reddest blood, spikes you
Swivels this gunshot wound to the light she might (if she can)
Dress your festering sore with her countenance, her skin is
No longer sallow, pale; the dark circles of illness disappear she
Is free of you, free of endurance; she can lay down on this
Feather bed without a need to answer your cell phone calls

Where this highway went beat her down it was local road
Town to town, red light to red light, it was a place you
Visit for the day, then turn around, go home, eat a hot meal
Your beloved nearby, feel her warmth, her endless heart

You lost the race, she did what you always aspired you are now
A knock out, this slender reed of infinite strength stared into your
Eyes where all the crying became a river, deeper than you were
Willing to accept, share; give to her as a wrapped present she
Alone is your love, she is the wife you never had, she is the good
The only pure virgin dove in your black hole, she is all of you, more

Than you deserve, when you transfer your hurt, your ball
Of rage to her gentle place, you pillage her life, steal her
Air, her cloud of white, her chance to be without you
Go find a rotting core, this skinned apple discarded go

No sense, nonsense, no sense, this is a circle that broke
This band of silence is deafening, the sounds of music berate you
Just a stray blade of grass there are millions in this one foot patch
She wants to find her end alone, she is staring out at the skylight
Eastern night, tall buildings she recognizes, a life, her history her
Being is here, do not enter; you are trespassing, cop a charge

The heat outside is intrepid; ice and a cold Coke count
Cool the inner heat, wash the scarred and burned flesh
Tear the day glow paste from your eyes you foul beast
Do not say hello to me again, for good bye is all that

I offer this day, is a date
No...
I said it now listen, (I) will
Not repeat it a third time
No...

TWO is one...

Battalion Conquest
Karen Hallenbeck Sikorsky George BS,RN
February 9th, 2007


Blue feathers, some tropical bird you are, standing still, so quiet I can
Almost hear your heart beat, this pleasant shoreline is dotted with more
Sand, of whitest pale, there is an ecstasy in laying here feeling the sun
Warm the inner cold, the barren, loveless, hopeless place I chose
Thousands of miles the journey has taken, polka dot sunglasses rim
My child's nose keeping my eyes alert, visual, the enemy still stalks

Circles and more circles, the rounder and tiring path
Legs burning in endless pain, the walk never ends
Feet blistered, sore, and the light never fades it is
Now time to sleep, rest, remember less, than nothing

Your promise is a knife of fear and never reached my "return to sender"
What legacy do you give me, but for some unsettled moments where I tried
More than you to believe your LIE, tend nothing but hurt like a garden that
Is never free of pestilence, today you cry big wet tears, easy to ignore for
Anger is my friend, I call upon him to stave you off, and beat you senseless
Empty, filled with desire, reticent, clueless are you, stay off my tree of life

The simple and beautiful sat before you, sweet of heart
Kind of touch, laughing at times of your fury that was
Misplaced, for inside you were not unlike me, in need
The ONE was WE, and now you are pushed aside

The years took more from me, my health is a weakened flag, the strongest
Fall breeze cannot push it to ripple in pride, instead it flops in despair
Arms frail, heart pounding in erratic beats, eyes dazed from the clarity of
Your face (I did love you a minute), your hands typing a keyboard are all
That I will remember and disgust will turn my stomach each night you
Placated your addiction like a heroin addict pricking a tired vein, yes you

Rainbows, pretty spring days, a romantic life is what
The dream is for me, I had only one this entire lifetime
It is now odiously replaced with the grey, dim reality
That you are a buffoon not human, not male, nothing you are

The daisies are below my feet, somehow I walked into this pasture, one
Lone cow gazes in lazy stare at my face, continues to chew the cud, and
The sun like a huge globe does not reach the cold in my heart, and a chill
Shakes my form reminding me there is nowhere left to go, I'll not be with you
Not like this, and you won't find me here, or in the bed where you might touch
My cheek and gaze upon me in the night, when you are far too alone, no more

You made a wasteland of years you ripped them to shreds
They feel useless, spent erratically without purpose now
The diamond tip of this bullet pierces the eternal place where
Life begins, ends, and there is no record of death

Wandering, a step at a time, to this small cove, there is water waiting to rush
In the tide is low, I will sit and wait, forget how to swim, and the storm that is
Building strength will find me sitting here, as that bird with blue feathers falls
Dead on its side to the sand, washes out to sea, rots and sinks to the floor
No memory, no hope or faith, the seed is gone, frozen in winter soil, and now
The rat a tat tat of that foreign gun explodes, relief fills me, the conquest

Is gone
One breath ,a sigh
To death...


Sometimes
Karen Hallenbeck Sikorsky George BS,RN
February 7th, 2007


Big Ben is larger than life, and I stand reverent in
Front of this sound, in a place you never went, alone
I travel dressed in high level warfare, non existent
Enemies circle endlessly like ugly sea gulls dropping
Waste, they are not trained in battle, they slip, and
Greasy feathers crack in two, screech in pain they

Not I who wins, the battle is forever
Common to me as tea and toast is to you
I dress in armor and reserved blonde curls
Stare into you with torpedo blue eyes

You won't DIE, not today, and I'd appreciate you not
Mentioning where I reside, for the life I live is so
Singular, the fight never ends, as long as I remain
Attentive to the battlefield, we cannot lose, we win
You can try to be the "picnic chick" sprawled out
Comfortably, conversing as if you belong, I don't so

Let him go, I never understood what you saw
In his manner, his haughty, stubborn, ability to
Piss you off, and make you cry, where did you
Mirror this thing you called "love" and do you

Imagine you'll find peace in his tunnel, softness in his
Touch, that deep unrelenting LOVE in his heart, did you
Forget about me, keeping you alive, safe from harm, letting
You pull up the chains and run "just so far" did you know
Sometimes I wonder who is in charge here, and if you'll go
To leave me behind, I'm just a little girl, "hey you"

Get out of my sandbox, leave my toys alone
There is no one home to cook dinner, or read
You the bedtime story you never heard, there is
One beached whale and a half empty fifth of Seagrams

Run, from me, just go, how easy to forget that I come first
The men are just a list of conquests, war torn ego ridden
Fools who jack off if they lose entry, and think just a
Moment later about the next time around, you can't love
Him, if you do I'll suffocate, and change to someone we
Can't be, come back home, right here, stand by me, don't

Go...Now go away I've had it, don't cry or
Beg for a partner, a marriage, a way to be
Human, the old pastor is at the funeral home
Ready for you to call, get in the coffin, die

He is there, so strong, you look into his eyes with such
LOVE, frozen am I to see you, expand, grow fill with light
Don't you see "I love you" and am helpless to the end, to
The mother who murdered me, broke my child's heart in
One thousand unattached pieces, I cannot find her she is
GONE, gone with the wind, burned to a thousand ashes

Firing Hell with her scorn, her ugly FEAR is
Alive, well, tripping you, making you fall
How is it you, love, despite her hate I must
Leave you now, cannot stomach your fate and

That sparrow is sitting so calm, awaiting your entrance
He stares straight ahead, past me, and beyond the dream
Turned nightmare, and you will go to him, until the pain
Stops, and the love grows bigger, so "forget about me"
I won't forget you, and the battalion is growing inside
Me until the last grenade pops, and the battery acid

Forever burns my heart cold
"I'll miss you Karen"
Good bye...